How Matt Heath missed his calling in life

Section
Spy News,
Publish Date
Wednesday, 5 December 2018, 3:19PM

My first job was … as a gravel unloader at a Christmas tree farm in Dunedin - Donaldson's Nursery. It was hard work but great for the bikini bod. Which was important to me as a 9-year-old.

It taught me … that two men can be lovers. There were a couple of dudes who used to come by the nursery to buy flowers for the restaurant they owned. They were really funny. They'd crack up the whole crew. One day I saw them holding hands and kissing near some roses. I asked my mum that night, "Why would men hold hands and kiss?" She asked which men. I said "Reg and Jim from Orlando's." She said, "Oh they are gay and gays kiss." I was amazed.

My big break came … when I fell off a BMX during a break in filming of Back of The Y Masterpiece Television Season 1 in 2001. My bone popped through my wrist. I knocked my teeth out. We used footage of it in the break stings of the show. I believe this propelled our show to new heights. So my big break was a big break, which occurred in a break in filming and was played before and after ad breaks.

The last job I quit was … as the Drive Show host on Radio Hauraki. I quit to become the Breakfast host on Radio Hauraki.

The most famous person I've ever met is … Paul McCartney. It happened the day before his concert in Auckland. We got a call. "Can you be down here in 15 minutes to interview Paul McCartney?" Which was a stupid question. Of course, we could. It was Paul McCartney.

He was ... the greatest person ever. Funny, down to earth, open and sharing. At one point he threatened to pull mine and Jeremy's pants down and spank our bottoms. Which is obviously a highlight of my life.

The best time I've had on set was … Balls of Steel UK. Me and my mates Chris, Spooge and Perky forgot we were mic'd up at lunch on a stunt shoot. We had a few beers and started slagging off the director. We really got stuck in. Turns out he was listening to us the whole time on the comms. Which was good. He was a dick and we never would have had the courage to tell him to his face.

But the worst was … I was working as a runner on the late-night TV2 show Space and I accidentally made Jaquiie Brown cry over a filet-of-fish order. I felt terrible. She's such a lovely person and a real talent. I ruined five minutes of her life over some silly McDonald's change issue.

My dream role would be … Dr Chris Warner on Shortland Street. Unfortunately, the opportunity has never come up. It's a real Stuart MacGill-Shane Warne situation. A great player kept out of the national side by a greater player. If I had come up in a different era I think I'd have been a real chance.

• Matt Heath is the official animal facts expert for The ACC, who has just released this year's must-have Christmas album, featuring the hit single Do They Know It's Cricket Time? Available to download now from theaccnz.com.