MAFS bride refuses to sleep with husband

Joanna Hunkin,
Spy News,
Publish Date
Monday, 2 October 2017, 5:00PM

After last night's successful nuptials, we started tonight's episode checking in on the happy-but-hung couples. Aside from nursing obvious hangovers, they seemed pretty chuffed.

Especially Claire, who after initially declaring she wasn't physically attracted to Dom, is now smitten with Mr Fluffy, snuggling into his shoulder as she ordered the film crew to leave their boudoir.

Things were less cuddly across the hall in Luke and Lacey's room, where Luke admitted he didn't sleep well.

"Too excited?" asked Lacey optimistically. His response was a rather less-than-convincing, "Probably". Is that the first hint of trouble in paradise?

Read more: MAFS NZ: Two weddings and a tantrum

Next, we met tonight's first groom Andrew. A 26-year-old builder, who introduced himself by explaining two of his previous girlfriends had become strippers. While he was dating them.

He has been lied to and cheated on. He also has a pet pig who roams the house freely.

Andrew was getting hitched to Vicky - a flight attendant who looks strikingly similar to Married at First Sight Australia contestant Cheryl.

Ok seriously, did Cheryl just dye her hair and come back for a second go? The resemblance is uncanny. Photo / Supplied

Much like Cheryl, Vicky is a self-proclaimed princess, racked with insecurity. Her biggest fear was that her husband-to-be wouldn't think she was beautiful.

It doesn't take a psychologist to figure out she's got some pretty serious self-esteem issues.

Of all the brides we've seen so far, Vicky was the most nervous - but cast her nerves aside to deliver the series' first (and hopefully only) poetry recital, reading aloud her rhyming vows.

"I've walked this earth on these two feet, uncertain, unknowing of who I'd meet . . .

"I'll give you my time, I'll give you my all, I'm ready for the love in which we may fall."

Full kudos to Andrew for not legging it right then and there. Instead, he hung in there and at the end of the ceremony, went for a full pash, sparking this glowing review from Vicky.

Andrew goes for the full pash - even after that poetry recital. Photo / Supplied "It was fine. I was expecting it to be much worse." Ouch.

Later, she cornered him to ask him to ease up on the physical intimacy, after her mum suggested it was all a bit much.

The ensuing chat was easily the most awkward moment of the series so far. Or it was until Vicky told Andrew she didn't want to share a bed with him that night.

The word's "comfortable" and "cool" have never been so overused or sounded so uncomfortable and uncool.

Have you ever seen a happier bride? (Don't answer that). Photo / Supplied

By the end of the episode there may as well have been red flashing lights and a siren blaring: Danger! Danger! Proceed at your own peril.

Meanwhile, things looked more promising for our second couple of the night: Angel and Brett.

According to the experts, Brett has his shizz together. And Angel needs that.

Angel and Brett: A match made in heaven? Photo / Supplied

At the ceremony, Brett was nervous. So nervous he was worried he might "muck up" his hello. Luckily he didn't - instead faltering at the follow-up question, "How are you?" to which he replied: "34". Bless.

Angel didn't mind, continuing to bubble and fizz like a freshly-dropped Berocca tab throughout the ceremony. Angel finds everything funny. Even things that really aren't very funny.

Find yourself a wife who laughs at your lame jokes as convincingly as Angel does. Photo / Supplied

She also LOVES a muddled metaphor. Last night, she explained she was sick of "pulling in my rod, going out for a fish and coming back with a crab every time."

Tonight she announced she and Brett were "on the same train".

"I wanted someone to get on my train and straighten it out. So far, the first carriage is on."

Quite what she means is a mystery. But to muddle a metaphor of our own, their story could yet have a happy ending.

Angel's metaphors are more confusing than a...thing that's confusing. Am I right? Photo / Supplied