Absurd new morning routine hailed by celebrities

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Saturday, 16 June 2018, 4:26PM

Reading about the daily health routines of celebrities is as addictive as the morning green juice you pretend to enjoy.

A sense of life-changing potential comes from every story you read about Jennifer Aniston's day on a plate or Kate Hudson's daily schedule or every Instagram post you see of Elle Macpherson sipping her murky Super Elixir.

Inspired, you get cocky and motivated to overhaul your life. You smear some Aveeno moisturiser on your body and set an alarm for 5.30am with the intention of getting up super early and pulling on your Fabletics to sip turmeric and hot water before engaging in an hour of meditation. At least that's the plan.

The reality is you stayed up so late reading celebrity Day On A Plate articles and getting so excited about your new holistic life that you sleep through your alarm and have no choice but to down a 7-11 coffee and eat breath mints for breakfast.

Meg Ryan is the latest celebrity to reveal her own morning routine and it's quite bewildering.

@ellemacphersonofficial is beach ready with @superelixir

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Sitting on stage at the In Goop Health Summit opposite Gwyneth Paltrow, Meg revealed she rises at dawn every morning and pretends to be a horse.

"A mutual friend of ours and I have a thing that we call 'the turnout,' which we do in the morning," she said.

People reports Ryan does the routine for two hours each day, with the phrase inspired by the process of taking horses out of their stalls to graze on pasture.

"They have their head, they can think, they have this time to imagine their day or whatever," she said. "We'll take pictures of like the crossword puzzle, the computer, the cup of coffee, the drawings, the thing, and all the ways that you're in that part of your brain that imagines your day or your life and giving it actual time and space in the morning."

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I don't want to be so rude as to underestimate the hectic lives of horses, but it never occurred to me they need two hours in the morning to assess their schedules and take photos of their coffee cups.

Meg continued: "We have lists and we have to go, go, go. But this thing about like letting there be this little window, even if it has to be at, like, 6:30 to 8:30, I do it every day now."

Unlike other celebrity health routines, Meg's doesn't require the purchasing of various powders or Lycras or tonics. But it's the luxury of having two hours to do literally nothing that makes this routine the most irritating. The average person doesn't have two hours to waste every morning lingering around and taking bad Instagram photos.

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For everyone other than Meg, two hours in the morning can only be utilised for one of the following options: 1) Eating a healthy breakfast while still having enough time to look fabulous for work 2) Going to the gym and having a rushed breakfast and arriving at work with wet hair 3) Dealing with kids and only eating whatever is left behind on their plate or the floor 4) pretending to be a horse.

When it comes to self care routines, keep it simple. Falling asleep with under-eye masks on after eating an entire packet of Tim Tams is perfectly acceptable. Jennifer Aniston probably does the same.