George Michael's boyfriend Fadi Fawaz said he feels "ashamed" and is still in "hell" after finding his popstar lover dead on Christmas Day.
The 43-year-old, from London, penned a poignant poem as he laid bare his agony of losing his partner on Christmas Day last year, reports the Daily Mail.
Mr Fawaz was the last person to see Michael, before the star died at his Oxfordshire home.
He has remained silent since, but has finally decided to speak out to reveal his true feelings in the poem.
The fine arts photographer wrote: "One heart decides to fail, I find myself in hell, Now I feel ashamed, One Christmas Day."
He goes on to say he "hates that day".
The final verse says: "I go to bed to lay, I feel more ashamed, I try to hide my head, Pillows turn to red, I lost my way, One Christmas Day."
A friend revealed that Fawaz is facing continued hostility from Michael's family.
The pal told the Daily Mirror: "He has not had any love from George's family, they continue to be very hostile as George's will and estate is sorted out, so the sadness of losing George has been amplified tenfold."
The Wham! star's relatives reportedly want to sell Michael's former £5 million London mansion, and are planning to serve notice to Fawaz asking him to leave the property.
Michael's family will also put the riverside Oxfordshire estate where 53-year-old died on sale, a source told The Sun.
But the family are also reportedly keen to keep his Highgate mansion and rent it out to "Diplomats and wealthy visitors" for £25,000 a month.
Executors have been securing Michael's assets, which are thought to be around £105 million.
A leaked 999 call revealed Fawaz tried to wake Michael several times before calling emergency services.
He insists he had spent the night in his car, and not in the home with the singer.
Fawaz was told by police that he is no longer part of their investigation into the singer's death at the beginning of this month.
Fawaz told them he spent Christmas Eve with the singer, but fell asleep in his car that night, only discovering he was dead when he went to wake him the following morning.
He found himself pushed out of proceedings by Michael's family, and was not told about his funeral at the end of last month.
Michael was buried next to his mother at Highgate cemetery in North London at the end of March.
The singer's grave will not be included on a grand tour of the burial ground which is offered by the cemetery, which is the final resting place for several celebrities and well-known names like Karl Marx.
In March, a coroner said that Michael had died of heart disease and a build-up of fat in his liver.
FADI FAWAZ'S POIGNANT POEM
One Christmas Day Clouds are grey
Wind tears the air
One heart decides to fail I find myself in hell
Now I feel ashamed One Christmas Day
I wait a day Christmas light is there
Trees have gone away Bedroom door yet to change
Now I'm losing myself One Christmas Day
I hate that day Music is played
Nothing is heard Santa lost the way
Fireplace is grey
No one is there
People everywhere One Christmas Day
I got to bed to lay
I feel more ashamed
I try to hide my head
Pillow turns to red
I lost my way One Christmas Day
I miss that day